Being Home

I honestly couldn't believe it when I was told I was being discharged on Monday. I would never have thought after having double surgeries in the wee hours of Friday morning that I would be doing well enough to go home so soon. Leaving the hospital was very emotional for me -- on top of being hormonal, I didn't realize just how many emotions I had bottled up for so long. Being in the hospital was something I knew to be necessary and vital to the well-being of Hannah and me so I accepted it, but obviously that is not how I wanted things to go for 11 weeks. Having no privacy with my husband, having interruptions constantly, being poked with needles every few days, etc. was something I just accepted as "this has to happen" but once it didn't have to happen any more, I finally had to grieve that it all had to happen. I was so busy holding it together to get through to the end that I hadn't really processed all of the time and things I had missed while being in the hospital -- little things like hearing the rain, seeing my dog, being able to spend some quality time before bed uninterrupted with my husband, being able to actually do my makeup, being able to WALK were all things I took for granted before and had to give up at a whim at the end of August. Being able to just experience them all again all of the sudden was just really overwhelming. I have just really missed my life even though I would, of course, do it all over again ... all of the pokings, all of the proddings, all of the needles, all of the missing my privacy and family -- Hannah is worth all of it 100 times over again. But it's still really emotional getting back into the swing of things.

I am doing pretty good being at home, but everything that used to be easy is now a challenge. Paul has to help me in and out of the car, I have to do things in spurts then rest, I have to hold a pillow over my belly to sleep and sit and go up and down the stairs. For the most part, as long as I don't get behind on my pain medication, I am able to manage pretty well. When I miss a dose, though, I can feel it. The most painful part (and the part that was giving me trouble the first couple of days after surgery) is the part where I have to bend to sit/stand. It's also where my pants lie over my hips, so I have a dressing over it to try to cushion that area better, but it's still uncomfortable. The staples are driving me crazy! I think once they come out (hopefully next Monday) then I'll feel better but right now they're uncomfortable and sore.

Hannah is doing really great, though. She is eating pretty well considering she didn't want to eat at all the first couple of days. We've had three successful nursing attemps and today she latched on right away! She's gaining some weight - not quite back to her birth weight yet, but getting there. She's looking a little jaundice so they're keeping an eye on that and they have noticed a heart murmur so she got an echocardiogram yesterday and they found a hole in her heart (common with babies, though -- it usually heals as they grow) and another issue which will hopefully resolve on its own but may require us to make periodic stops to the cardiologist to make sure nothing serious develops. Other than that, though, she is doing great. We're not sure when she'll be coming home yet, but we are hoping it will be sooner rather than later. :)

Don't have any new pictures for this post but hopefully we'll have some soon! Thanks for continuing to pray for our little family.